Jan. 9-Jan. 17: Days 9-17

My only semi-happy thoughts as we are adjusting back to school after the holiday break, and adjusting to a new schedule for Collin in both the afternoon therapy and new primary class at church(which have been very rough): school for the kids to go to, all who support us in helping Collin(teachers, aides in the class, therapists, etc.). Workout time--I found a 30 minute workout that I just started this week that combines weights & cardio so start to finish I'm done in 30 minutes, instead of 30 minutes toning + another 30 minutes cardio(I am so out of shape though that it leaves me sore for a few days after each workout). So happy the end is in sight(a couple more weeks) of Tom's overtime at work. I feel like a candle burning at both ends.

January 8: Day 8

Change isn't always a good thing around here, especially with Collin. However, this time unexpected joy found us or at least me.

Collin's therapy schedule got changed around this weekend, and now we have an open weekday afternoon in our schedule, which is nice since Tuesday evenings fill up fast and it's nice to take a breather since Collin is working over 12 cumulative hours per week during the therapy sessions.

I also did a lot of purging of stuff I've been putting off for way too long. For example, finally purged papers the hospital sent us home with after Brent was born. He turns 3 years old this year. I purged old makeup, clothes that taunt me because even though I'm the right size they fit not how I'd like, and other stuff. I filled a huge trash bag just of trash, and a few bags for a donation truck later this week.

January 7: Day 7

Pampering that works: personal exercise time. My knees have been bothering me a lot since Saturday's 5k. I did a 20 minute lower body workout tonight because if time constraints. I was concerned for my knees because the workout is on my hands & knees, but it ended up being something that eased the pain.

January 6: Day 6

Something that made me smile: I had a new nephew born.

Also, Tom watched a restless Brent in church which sort of makes up for the Saturday fiasco.

January 5: Day 5

Did a 5k color run Saturday, January 5. My body doesn't like it so much--my knees can't take the beaing and my low-back bothered me a majority of the day from about halfway thru the race till I went to bed. So, the plan was to have Collin run with Tom, who would be taking pictures. Didn't work out that way, and Collin ran with me. Between body aches, and hormonal shifts, I decided it was time for personal pampering, which is 100% guaranteed to be kid-free.

Pampering that works: Took a trip to a local fabric store, sans kids. I found a pattern online of making a long skirt out of jersey knit, that (when the directions are followed correctly) takes less than 1 hour start to finish. Unfortunately, I didn't follow the directions correctly on my test run so I have to start from scratch, but I should be able to get it done fast this week.

Pampering that works: Had a nice long, warm shower. Also I was non-bothered.

January 4: Day 4

My day has been not the best, pretty much all day. I struggled to come up with something to journal today.

Today's happy thoughts are: 1) A trip to IKEA is in the near future--I haven't been in several months (the reason for the upcoming trip is not so pleasant: property destruction by Collin) and 2) Tom will be watching him while I do a 5k color run in the morning.

Something that made me smile: I found my diffuser attachment for the blow dryer today. We had taken it with us on our trip to my in-laws' for the 48 hour fumigation at our house. I came home early to pick up the house key, and Tom packed everything up & brought the kids home. We went back the next day for the blow dryer, but we didn't have the diffuser attachment. Found it tonight.

January 3: Day 3

Tom said to me about a month ago, he hasn't heard me laugh really hard in at least a couple years. To which, I snarkly replied there hasn't been that much to laugh at. So, that's another reason for this project.

Something that made me smile(and full on belly laugh): Played a game of "Very Silly Sentences" with the boys. I picked it up at Marshalls to help Collin with his language. My favorite sentence was "The scary frog eats a squirrel."

January 2: Day 2

Today's moment I found falls under 2 categories.

Personal pampering that works/Gift I received that makes me smile: Today, out of the blue, Brent started massaging my back with this $4 mini hand held thing I found at Target before Christmas. He did this a couple times. This was all his own doing, without my saying anything to him, and I enjoyed the moment as his kindness was fleeting towards everyone in general for the rest of the day.

January 1: Day 1

This'll be brief, since I'm cutting into sleep time.

Ooooh moment #1: The phrase "you're one workout away from a good mood." Once upon a few years ago, I met a celebrity trainer who coined this phrase. Working out is one of the things I really love to do, that I just have not, for whatever reason *cough, depression*, been able to get myself to do more than very sporadically these past several months. Thank goodness for diet, that I've maintained within 1-5 lbs of my weight loss since April till now. I had a workout in the morning and it did lighten my mood. Tom watched the kids those 30 minutes, and that made me smile. Tonight's cardio workout was a drag my feet to get started, but was easier once I got moving. I got 25 out of 36 minutes done. I've set myself up with something gentle enough to ease back into but give me the good swift kick in the seat that I need.

Ooooh moment #2: Tonight I pulled myself away from the computer (I am guilty of trying to numb myself/escape with computer games, Facebook & Pinterest) and decided to live in the present and play a board game with Tom & the kids. It's been awhile since I've played a real board game, and I reminisced to myself about how often we used to play pre-kids. Methinks that'll change this year.

Surprising service that made me happier than I thought: They say a cluttered house is often an outward sign of inner dealings. Today, I went to the spot that gives us the most grief: Ivy's room. It's a constant battle to get her to clean her room and she complains there's nowhere to put her toys. Granted, she was right. I found an idea online where it said to have the kids choose 3-4 types of toys that are their favorites only, so there is less overstimulation/boredom. So, today, I went in without her in there and threw away 2 trash bags of trash and 2 bags full of toys to donate. Voila. Problem solved. Sort of. She had a hissy fit that I moved stuff to bags, but by the time prayers came around tonight she was thankful(without any prompting by me).

The Big 2013 Project

Let me preface by saying, I didn't ask my parents for anything for this past Christmas. They got me a book. It was like they could read between the lines of phone calls and emails we've done this past year. This was one of those books that come into your life at just the right moment. I finished in 2-3 days. I am going on a trip of sorts this year, and calling it my Personal Happiness Mission Project. I've been dealing with issues of self-image, a sense of loss of self and trying to figure out exactly who I am and what I like and not just define myself as mother/wife/friend, and even dealing with depression for years. I never quite recovered from the first round of postpartum depression after Ivy or after Collin's pre-and post-diagnosis, but I've also had issues since I was a little kid and the depression in my experience has been tangled into my post-traumatic stress disorder. During this past year, I haven't been able to get myself to be able to do some of my favorite things. It's like Lucy says in  A Charlie Brown Christmas "The fact that you recognize you have a problem, means you are not too far gone."

So, this book I got for Christmas is called "M2B: Mission to be happy." It has been quite the eye-opener with some of the principles.

• Don't make happiness dependent on any person, event, etc.
• The concept of "feel your feet"(be present in the moment instead of stuck in the past or waiting on the future) that I learned at TOFW in May
• Reminiscing of happy times, or doing things that make us happy
• Every moment can be a chance to expect an unexpected joy
• Eliminate forces in our lives that are not bringing out best out, or that are bringing us down
• Instead of emulating people that we compare our weaknesses to their strengths, increase faith and knowledge of the Savior and Heavenly Father since that's who we are trying to become like in this life
• Stuff won't make us happy. Service, thoughtfulness, friendship, forgiveness will
• Gratefulness/appreciation for what you do have when times are tough

So, this year, with my "trip" I will be journaling unexpected joys, surprising service that made me happier than I thought, personal pampering that works, people/things I'm giving the toodle-oo to, diversities that make me smile, oooooooooooooooooooh moments, gifts I've received that make me smile, gifts I've given that make me smile.

For me, there's not too many people to say "toodle-oo" to, but there are things in my daytime routine that are big distractions, time wasters, and not getting me any closer to my goals.